Swiping Left: Tips on Dealing with Unwanted Romantic Attention Online

Many of us are all too familiar with this uncomfortable scenario: someone initially catches your eye, but for one reason or another you lose interest. After letting them know you’ve changed your mind and are no longer interested, they keep messaging you. Or perhaps you’ve never been interested in someone, but they seem to think you’re wrong about your own feelings and keep trying to persuade you otherwise. Dealing with unwanted romantic attention online can be annoying, anxiety-inducing, and harrowing in many ways. Here are some precautions you can take to do the best you can to avoid these kinds of interactions.

Look for Friends

If you’re just looking for friendships to start off, then make it clear from the beginning that you’re not looking for a relationship. Any woman can tell you that this doesn’t always work to dissuade a persistent harasser, but it’s a great place to start covering your bases.

Start Out Incognito

Don’t give out your cell phone number to anyone you haven’t met in person. Use a Google Voice number or use another messaging app that doesn’t show your phone number and has a blocking feature just in case. You can also get a special email address just for dating.

Don’t tell people where you live or where you work. You can tell them what you do and what city you live in but keep the details to yourself.

Go Somewhere New

When you meet, don’t take them to your favorite spots. Take them somewhere you’re unlikely to return so you don’t run the risk of bumping into them if you have to break things off.

If You’re Just Not Interested

If things aren’t going well and you need to break it off, it’s important that you’re very clear with the person that you’re not interested in pursuing anything romantic with them and don’t want to talk to them anymore. Don’t try to “drop hints” or sugar coat your message. All this does is create wiggle room for the perpetrator to start thinking that “maybe there’s a chance.”

Instead, be direct, and be honest with how you feel. As you’re letting the person know you’re not interested, make sure your message ends with a “final goodbye” at the end. “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested at all,” or “I don’t see this going anywhere romantic. Good luck.” Attempts to take the sting out of your message with emojis or compliments will only muddy the waters and your suitor might take this as a cue to amp up his pursuits.

Stop Responding and/or Block

If they keep responding to you, ignore them as best you can despite how tempting it is to respond negatively. Don’t agree to be friends. If they continue to pester, block their number. Do not answer calls, respond to texts or agree to meet for closure, to return items, or any other reason.

 

It might seem cold or cruel, but it’s not. It would be cruel to both of you to continue any sort of relationship out of guilt or a sense of duty. It’s better for both of you to move forward and find the right match.

Are you searching for a relationship and need help navigating the single life? A qualified mental health professional can help. Call me today and let’s set up a time to talk.

How to Address Your Partner’s Sexist Behavior or Comments

One of the serious issues women face in life is sexism; sadly, we’re not taught how to see it, react to it, or correct it. For heterosexual women, sexism is a problem they will likely face throughout their relationships. Being raised in a patriarchal society, women are taught that they are inferior to men through countless direct and indirect cultural and societal cues.

Even if you were raised in a feminist household, you still grew up in a society where men are predominantly the ones in power; they are even largely in control of what you can and can’t do with your own body.

As a heterosexual woman, you may sometimes feel unease with your partner’s comments or behavior, and you may wonder how to address these issues without driving a wedge between the two of you.

First, it’s important to note that your partner also grew up in a patriarchal society. More than likely, your partner is not purposely trying to oppress, control, or offend you. For him, this is just “how things are,” it’s neither good nor bad. It’s up to you to identify the specific problems, and articulate how it affects you and your relationship with your partner.

There are several issues in relationships that must be navigated, such as sex, finances, housework, meals, and disagreements, among others. When problems surface that you believe are rooted in antiquated gender roles, for example you are always expected to prepare meals, challenge those expectations. Let them know that cooking and meal preparation needs to be equally divided.

When addressing sexist comments and discussing the issue of sexism, it’s important use a tone and language that your partner will respond best to. You know your partner well, so do your best to remain factual and sincere while being diplomatic. It will be awkward to discuss, but keep in mind that your relationship needs to be a strong and equal partnership. You should both feel comfortable talking to each other about problems in order for your relationship to succeed.

While these discussions are never easy, how your partner reacts to these difficult topics will tell you everything you need to know about their character. It’s vital to the success of your relationship, and to your mental health, that you’re able to negotiate mutual respect and understanding with your partner.

 

Are you in a relationship and having trouble communicating with your partner? Our specially trained staff can help you find ways to improve communication and better your relationship. Call our office today to set up a time to talk.

5 Empowering Mantras for Women Dealing with Workplace Disenfranchisement

As spiritual exercises like meditation and yoga rise in popularity, the concept of mantras has become more familiar. A mantra is a phrase you use in meditation to help you focus and create an intent that will be a positive driving force in your life. As you repeat the mantra during meditation, either out loud or in quiet thought, you’re planting a seed in your mind that will grow as you continue to nurture it through consistent meditation practices. Mantras can be very powerful tools used to help you gain confidence and calm anxieties in all areas of your life.

For many women, the workplace continues to be a stressful, complicated arena. Women continue to face discrimination and gender bias, struggling to get ahead while maintaining a pay gap of 24 cents on the dollar compared to men. Pregnancy discrimination, sexual harassment, and many other issues plague the working woman on a daily basis. While you may be unable to change your workplace, you can change how you perceive and react to challenging circumstances.

This is where you can use mantras to ignite your personal power, and give yourself confidence and peace of mind at work. You can use the mantras in this article, tailor them to suit you personally, or create ones of your own. Use the mantras during meditation in the morning before work.

First, find a quiet place to sit with your arms resting at your side, your palms face up on your lap; make sure you don’t lie down. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to meditate. If you’re very busy or pressed for time, even five minutes is sufficient. If you’re unfamiliar with how to meditate, there are apps you can download for your smartphone or tablet to help guide you through different meditations; just search for “meditation” in the App Store. You can also search YouTube for “meditations” and try the guided meditations available there for free.

Here are examples of mantras you can use to help you feel empowered in the workplace:

• I am strong, I am intelligent, I am capable.
• I am worthy.
• Taking care of myself is my top priority.
• I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.
• I am focused on doing my best.

It’s important to recognize that our internal dialogue must always be under control. Negative thoughts about others, our situation, or ourselves can make a bad situation much worse. By using mantras to enforce positive thoughts, you can maintain a positive attitude at work in the face of adversity, and keep negative self-talk at bay.

 

Are you struggling in the workplace, and in need of support and guidance to help you advance in your career? We can help. Call our office today to set up an appointment with one of our specially trained staff.